my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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