so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
