Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
