I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
