Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
