8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
