i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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