I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
