the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize