i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
