connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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