Tell her she can't have a vagina
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
