So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
