I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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