God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize