Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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