Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
