Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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