you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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