i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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