i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
