Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
