i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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