I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
