Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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