a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so let's talk penis.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
