You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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