gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize