i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
