I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
