i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
