Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Your penis caused this!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
