Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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