He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Of course I have a pirate flag
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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