Acid is not a monday night drug
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
