no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i already hear my dad disowning me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
