He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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