then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
