We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
