So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
