the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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