Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
