Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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