I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Green mimosas i think yes
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
