what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize