I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
