I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
