easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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