She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
