he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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