He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
