if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
