And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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