I'm really into asian looking animals
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
