i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
