my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
