got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
