I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My vagina is officially offended.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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