I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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