I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
