I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My nipple is on Facebook.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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