I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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