If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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