After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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