the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
