***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
