omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
