im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
