"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
