I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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