i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
