I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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