Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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