I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
