hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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