before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
