my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
