wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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