Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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