I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
