Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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