i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
