happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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