i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
