Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
