things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
