You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
