My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Randomize
