just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
