So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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