her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
