you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
