Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
